If only I knew it all

I wish I had the ability to help internet searchers looking for answers for the following things:

• what brand of pasta does the Pope eat (I bet he has his pasta hand made, actually, but I could be wrong)
• which vegetables come from a pod (the bane of my existence - peas, for sure, but as to the rest, I couldn't care less. Green beans, are they pod vegetables? How can I not know this?)
• puns about goats (nope, I don't know any, but if anyone has any to share...)
• don't flush it down the toilet septic tank poem (boy, I'd really like to hear this one)

Another person thought he (or she) could find in me an accomplice for "let's decapitate Barbie", but that just isn't my thing. I'll be happy to bury alive a few Cabbage Patch dolls though (I mean, they are from the cabbage patch, right? They probably prefer being underground).

And today marks the first day for the "Halloween porn" searches. Two months ahead, somebody is really on the ball for their holiday porn needs.