Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Spit or swallow?

My husband cannot swallow pills. And by cannot, I mean I have to force open his mouth with those duck bill looking gynecological tools and shove the pills down his throat. Most of the time it doesn’t matter – any pill he takes either has a dissolvable form or is small enough that he can pretend he isn’t taking a pill at all. But we’ve started taking vitamins of late, and we all know they can’t seem to find a way to make vitamins human sized. I’m sure it is a big joke to the vitamin conglomerate to feed the public pills large enough for a horse – the gagged up pills alone are worth a fortune in replacements.

For weeks my husband had been struggling with taking the vitamins. It required complete silence – no one could move, breathe, or speak when he tried to swallow the vitamin, and even then, it was a crap shoot on whether or not he could get it down. One time I swear I saw our three cats huddled together in the next room taking bets on whether or not he would swallow the damn thing. Hell, I would have gotten in on that action.

After all this time, my frustration level finally peaked. I have better ways to spend a half hour than watching my husband gag and spit out a giant pill twenty times. So I shouted at him: “You’re a doctor, for christ’s sake! Just swallow the damn thing already!”

Needless to say (oh hell, I'm saying it anyway) he no longer has a problem taking the vitamins.


Anonymous said...

This must be a Greek thing. I have trouble too (I am Greek) but my wife just pops them in her mouth and is done with it. After 40 years in the US I have gotten much better at it but I still have to place the pill (one at at at time, quite carefully and strategically) near the back of my tongue and concentrate to get the job done. I know it's silly but what can I say?

Additionally, I think Greek men make for bad patients all the way around, but of course, we are so charming and adorable that it hardly matters to the women in our lives as they find us all that much more irresistible. I am sure your husband can corroborate my hypothesis. ;-)

Dixie said...

There's nothing like saying "Do it!" to get it done!

Greek Lover said...

My Greek wife has the same problem. Whereas I can down the pills effortlessly, she really has trouble. I've explained the easy technique.

- Pop Pill on tongue (mid section)

- Drink a bit of water.

- Tilt head back VERY FAST and let gravity do it's thing while swallowing.

Works every time... But, of course, my wife says I look like an epileptic when I do that, but then again, I never have a problem getting those Viagras down the hatch.

sappho said...

Oh my...it may be a greek thing...

I, too, have some serious issues swallowing pills! And like your husband, I needed complete silence & no one watching me while I attempted to TRY & swallow, what seemed to me, an impossible task!

My girlfriend can throw a handful of pills (horse-size, too!) down her throat & swallow them with ease!

I need large quantities of something CARBONATED (have hubby use Coke/Pepsi, etc) to wash it down with, if not, I wont even try!

And vitamins, forget it!

Does the whole Greek-myth thing work if you are just HALF Greek??!! :)

sappho said...


I dont have such an issue with it now....probably because my girlfriend sounds alot like you, Mel, she let me know in more ways than one, that I was being ridiculous!