Blog for choice

My husband and have three great topics of debate between us, topics in which we disagree nearly completely. One of these topics is religion, another is capital punishment, and the final one is abortion and the woman’s right to choose. It isn’t that my husband doesn’t see women as equals. It isn’t that he is misogynistic in any way. It is simply that he thinks that since you can’t get pregnant without the sperm, the man should have a choice in things too, supposing he even wants a choice. Not to mention there are men out there who actually care about the fact that a woman is carrying his child. While I think it is unquestioningly immoral for a wife who is in a decent marriage to hide a pregnancy and abortion from her husband, I also think there are a thousand situations we cannot imagine where a woman cannot or should not involve her lover/husband/boyfriend/one night stand in this decision.

As women, we take it for granted that the founding fathers of America didn’t intend to include us in the common language as “citizens” of this fine nation. It was a sign of the times, the way of the world, women were “second class.” In light of this, amendments had to be made to give us our rights – the right to vote, the right to equal pay, the right to an abortion, etc., etc. Should we be offended that we aren’t automatically included in the texts that make America so great? Perhaps a little. But I am long beyond berating a past generation for their mistakes. We weren’t included. Now we are. Move along. The right to choose an abortion has been the top dog in the women’s movement for a couple of generations now. Is it the most important issue? I don’t know about that. What I do know is that I don’t really want to see a day where men get to tell us when we can and can’t be pregnant or have an abortion – and that, I think, is the crux of the issue. Sure, in an ideal world, we plan these types of things with our partners in full agreement. But it can’t always be like that.

I cannot consider myself a tried and true feminist, as I am not as familiar and well-versed with feminist issues as a true feminist would be, so forgive me for the following bit of assumption. Does anyone really think that if men were the ones who got pregnant and faced the same decisions, that the issue would come under legislation in the same way it does with women? Or do you think it would be understood that men have the choice to do whatever they want in regards to the pregnancy? Sure, there are the religious arguments against abortion, the whole debate about murder – but would it be the same if men were the ones getting pregnant and choosing abortions? I tend to think it wouldn’t be the same, but then again, perhaps I am a bit jaded by the fact that women weren’t always considered equals. Despite all this – it is a woman’s problem in our reality, and it should be a woman’s choice.

I am repeating my own words, but when it comes to women’s rights, I’m afraid we can’t give an inch, a millimeter, in our fight. It wasn’t until 85 years ago that women had the right to vote in America. 85 years – a relatively short time. Four generations may have come in that time, but there are some from that first generation who are still alive. As recently as the 1950’s, women were still regulated to the position of wife and mother, housekeeper, servant. Women were taught to respect and obey their fathers and their husbands. Even educated women were on the fast track to marriage and home life. It was such an irony, how women kept America running during World War II, only to be sent home again. I can’t entirely blame the men, it seems there was a great lack of communication. Men either didn’t think about what their wives wanted, or they assumed they had what they wanted. Women themselves probably didn’t even realize that they were allowed to want something other than the role of housewife. I am the first to accept that some women really did want this life. But others didn’t. And so by the 60’s, women’s voices started to get louder, and louder, and today, we have some rights, some assurances. We are allowed to make our own choices and do what we want. But we cannot go backwards. We cannot take a misstep. The foot may be poised to take a step backwards, but we cannot let it hit the ground, lest it take us back too far.

So yes, I suppose to some extent I am a feminist. I believe that women are smart, beautiful, and capable of whatever they want. I believe a woman’s choices are difficult, heartbreaking, but they must be their own. I believe we must protect women’s choices and women’s rights. We cannot let that foot go down.

ADDENDUM: If you want to read my husband's counter-argument, go here.