The age-old marriage problem: snoring. Generally speaking, the problem can occur from either gender, and generally I would say both partners probably snore. The thing is, the problem only lies with the partner that goes to sleep last, which in my case happens to be me.
Some nights are worse than others. The average night is filled with light to moderate snoring that I have learned, somehow, to block out. But some nights I want to scream “Oh for the love of all that is good and holy would you PLEASE SHUT UP!”, which is terribly unusual, as I generally don’t harbor such vitriol for my beloved. The sound of his snoring is a cross between an asthmatic bull, a balloon slowly losing its air, and a goat bleating underwater. There have been times when I have been awakened, terrified by this horrible sound and come to the realization that surely this is what Satan must sound like.
My husband, god love him, says all I have to do is tap him on the shoulder and ask him to turn on his side. Let’s give a run down of how that works. At first, feeling a little guilty about disturbing him, I give him a light tap and timidly say “Baby?”
Me: Can you turn over on your side?
Yet, amazingly, I detect no movement whatsoever in his human form. I give it a few minutes to see if there is some sort of delayed reaction, and try again, poking him a little bit harder this time.
Me: Can you please turn over on your side, you are snoring really loud.
Nada. Nothing. No moving, more snoring. And even louder. At this point my patience has been all but depleted. I give myself a traditional one minute cooling down time and go in for the last attempt, determined for victory. This time I pinch/poke him awake.
Husband: What?! (in a rather worried, mystified tone)
At which he turns over on his side and falls immediately back to sleep.